I am overwhelmed with the fear that this is a reoccurring pattern. Every part of my spirit is broken down and every vulnerable aspect of my character exposed. Insecurity blinds my vision and I sit here wondering, why does this always happen?
"Occasionally, very occasionally, say at four o’clock in the afternoon on a wet Sunday, she feels panic-stricken and almost breathless with loneliness. Once or twice she has been known to pick up the phone to check that it isn’t broken. Sometimes she thinks how nice it would be to be woken by a call in the night: ‘get in a taxi now’ or ‘I need to see you, we need to talk’. But at the best of times she feels like a character in a Muriel Spark novel – independent, bookish, sharp-minded, secretly romantic."